Baby Giraffes vs. Baby Tigers

    So, Last week I got into an argument with my friend over which animal was better... a baby giraffe or a baby tiger. I personally preferred giraffes over tigers and I thought this would be a wonderful chance to explain why.

     

     First of all, baby giraffes are adorable. That being said, when they're born, they're 6 feet tall. How cool would it be to have an adorable 6 foot tall giraffe following you around everywhere?! It would be so cool! Just chillin, walking around with your giraffe, a guy comes up to you and is like "Woah, is that a giraffe!?" and you're like "Heck yeah it is!" (This is the kind of stuff I think of when I don't have work to do... my mind is a strange strange place. 

     Next, once your giraffe has grown up (which they do very quickly... like 2 inches a day or something like that) you can ride it! Don't feel like driving today? Oh ok, no big deal, just ride your giraffe! That way you don't have to deal with all the jerk drivers! Like let's be honest here... who is going to mess with a guy riding a giraffe?? Nobody, that's who. This leads me to my next point... Full grown giraffes are pretty much invincible. My friend was like a tiger could totally eat a giraffe. False. It's a known fact that more or less nothing preys on a healthy, full grown giraffe because they're so large. Giraffes are actually known to kill would be predators with a single well placed kick (yeah they're pretty much the chuck Norris of the Savannah.

     So yeah... Come at me with a tiger... I'll be waiting with my giraffe. A turtle and a giraffe? Come at me bro. Come at me. 

^I mean come on... 

how can you say no

to that!?!?!?

~A. Turtle

p.s. This is what happens when i see pictures from OmgHumor on facebook...

Anecdote

 Hey guys, sorry for the lack of recent posts, the past week of my life has been filled with homework and studying so there hasn't really been much worth posting but I feel bad so, I'll leave you all with a personal anecdote. 

So, I'm on my school's Club Ultimate team and every fall, they organize a tournament for people playing ultimate more or less for the first time. My roommate, myself and about four or five other guys we know organized a team to compete with. So, now our team is actually playing in the tournament. We have the disc and are about half way down the field so I decide to make a deep cut. The guy with the disc sees me streaking deep and throws the disc. However, in order to do this he had to sort of throw over his defender instead of throwing around him. Due to the fact that the throw had to go over the defender, it was sort of high and floaty. As the disc catches up to me, I've just entered the end-zone. Unfortunately, the disc is still going rather fast so I have to jump, layout and catch the disc. At this point the disc is comfortably and firmly in my grasp, however, in the heat of the moment, I forgot how physics works...  When you launch yourself into the air, there's no way to stop your forward motion unless you hit the ground or an object in your path. So, my momentum carried me out the back of the end-zone before I hit the ground. At this point, I realized two more things that I had forgotten in the heat of the moment. First, just behind our end-zone, there is a large metal trash can. Second, behind the trash can, the ground slopes upward into a rather steep hill. So as you can imagine, my momentum carried me through the metal trash can (which probably weighed a solid 50 or 60 lbs) and then to add insult to injury, straight into the side of the hill. It hurt. A lot. That being said, would I do it again? Absolutely, it was probably one of the coolest things I've ever done.

 I suppose then, the moral of this story is if you think laying out into trash cans  is a good idea... It's really not... Unless you're laying out to catch a disc. In which case, you fly through that trash can. You won't score the point but at least you'll have a sick story to tell your friends!

~A. Turtle

p.s. Let's all thank failblog for this wonderful picture.

Bathroom Etiquette

 So I'm living an a dorm this semester right? It's hall style so my hall and the hall adjacent ours share a bathroom. Over the past few months, I've observed some things that are just not acceptable and in light of this, I'm going to make a post regarding bathroom etiquette. So... without further adieu:

Awkward Turtle's Rules of  Bathroom Etiquette

Rule number 1: If it's not liquid, don't put it in the sink.

 See I thought this rule was common knowledge but apparently it's not. If something isn't liquid, it doesn't belong in the sink. I can't tell you how many times I've gone to wash my hands and there has been just a pile of Ramen Noodles in the sink. What were you thinking!? "Derp, I don't want to finish these so I'm going to put them in the sink where they'll sit until someone decides to clean them up?" Newsflash: nobody wants to clean up after your trifling self. That's just nasty. Throw it in the trash. This leads to our second rule.

Rule number 2: If you don't want the smell in your room, we sure as heck don't want it in the bathroom.

 There are some people on our two halls which enjoy ordering hot wings. I respect this... Hot wings are delicious. The downside is that they smell and nobody wants that stench in their room where it can attract all sorts of unsavory creatures. I understand this but that being said, that does not mean the bathroom is the place to throw them away. Bathrooms, especially those shared by 50 college men, tend to generate their own aroma. We don't want to add the hot wing stench on top of that. There have been many days when i walked in to the bathroom just to be struck by the nearly unbearable stench of bathroom + hot wings. On these occasions, I heavily consider going upstairs but let's be honest... I'm entirely too lazy to do that.

Rule number 3: Clean your nest.

 Now I understand the use of toilet paper to prevent actually having to touch the toilet... I do the same thing. But please don't just leave it on the toilet! That's absolutely disgusting. As much as I don't want to touch the toilet seat, I want to touch your nest even less.

For anyone who doesn't understand the term nest, here is the Urban Dictionary definition. 

Rule number 4: If it doesn't flush, don't use it.

 This is self explanatory. Don't do it. It's nasty. Nobody wants to deal with your crap... Literally.

Rule number 5: If you can't do it in your room, the bathroom isn't the place for it.

 So I don't have personal experience with this one but I've heard stories. So people here are adults. They can make the decision to "knock boots" if they really want to, that's none of any of our business and I feel like I speak for everyone else that we would prefer it remain that way. Don't do that in the bathrooms... Honestly? That's ridiculous. People are disgusting. 

So I could go on and on with this but these are really the important ones. Please make everybody's lives easier and just abide by these few rules. 

~A. Turtle